Battling against the pressure

Getting married is stressful! Regardless of what people tell you about making it all about you and doing what you want, there is always something that crops up to sway you away from that path. One element that is high on the never-ending to do list is finding ‘the one’. I don’t mean finding yourself a groom but instead finding that one dress that makes you feel like royalty. However does it really need to make you feel like Princess Catherine or Meghan Markle? Shouldn’t it be about making you feel comfortable to help you enjoy your special day?

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Your dress doesn’t have to sparkle on the outside to make you sparkle from the inside

Finding the right shop

I set out on my journey of finding this elusive dress and felt increasingly despaired at every dress shop I visited. There was nothing that made me feel special and I thought the day would never arrive when I looked in the mirror and thought ‘that’s it’. I finally found myself in a converted barn in Framlingham with just one of my friends and the owner. The business bought dresses from the previous season and sold them at a fraction of their original price. There was no pressure from other people as we were the only ones there, the appointment time was lengthy so there was no rush and the owner really listened to what you wanted. In fact the dress I finally settled on was one she chose for me and is something I wouldn’t have tried on if I’d seen it on the hanger.

The dress isn’t flamboyant, it doesn’t make me look like a loo roll cover and there are minimal sparkles on it. It’s a simple, yet elegantly plain dress that will never go out of fashion. More importantly it felt like me and is really comfortable. Remember there will be lots of food on your wedding day so you need something that gives a little anyway to help hide the food baby!

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Choose a dress that feels right for you

Do it your way

I also bought my dress before setting a date for the wedding as this also took the pressure away from having to find one before a particular date. It’s seen as the wrong way round to many people but it worked for me and I would recommend it to anyone. As someone who gets slightly anxious I knew this was the best decision for me so ignored the words of others when told I was looking too soon.

Granted since that day I’ve seen others that I think may have looked better but I’ve trusted my instinct and stayed with my original choice. Plus I know my fiancé will be happy I chose one that I felt comfortable in.

Now I just need to organise the rest of the day!

The politics associated with wedding planning

In October 2017 my boyfriend proposed to me and became my fiancé. Thus started the process of organising a wedding day. For someone who hasn’t kept a wedding book nor has any idea of what they want, this has proved tricky.

Understanding the technicalities

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We set out with the intention of only inviting people we wanted to share our day with. The words ‘it’s your day, you can do whatever you want’ were ringing in our ears thanks to our parents’ kind advice. Due to this advice it was an understandable shock to the system when the same voices expressed concern over certain people who weren’t invited. People who we don’t speak to or even worse even knew existed. ‘You’ve got to invite them, I went to the past two weddings they were at’, well if a good attendance record gets you an invite to the most memorable day of two strangers lives then sign me up!

The problem with inviting the couple who live at number 28 on the street adjoining your grandma’s house, is the cost implications. The day is already expensive and overpriced (thanks to the wedding industry) so adding two extra people on adds up to a lot of extra money. It comes to the point where you have to put your foot down and say no. This leads me on to the term ‘Bridezilla’. Is this really such a bad term? Is it not understandable when you realise how much pressure and hype surrounds a wedding day and for everything to be perfect?

Now I understand some people take this to the extreme – making obscene demands to wedding guests, however I’ve had the term thrown at me a few times when I’ve said no to requests or when I ask for certain things to be in place on the day. It’s not unreasonable to make a few demands, especially when you’re paying over the odds for it anyway. What frustrates me is when people get annoyed with me for wanting what I want. Those reassuring words about it being our day said at the start of the process quickly fade into the distance and are replaced with ‘you need to invite him because it would be unfair not to’.

Remember:

  • You can’t please everyone and more disagreements happen when you try
  • At the end of the day you’re not going to please everyone, if you do upset people due to silly disagreements then try and decide whether they’re worth having in your life anyway
  • It’s the only day you can get away with being demanding so do what you want to do (within reason)
  • Your family and friends should want this to be as special as it can be for you so make sure they rally round and support you

Current stage

We have just finished designing our website with all the details of where to be and how long it will last. This was the easier option for us as it kept the price down (no postage or paper invitations) and keeps everything in one place so is easy to track. We’re currently gathering up email addresses to send the invite to the lucky few people and then we’ll wait for the RSVP’s to come flooding back (hey we can dream!).

Things we have done:

  • Booked the venue
  • Bought THE dress
  • Decided on bridesmaids
  • Bought bridesmaid dresses
  • Chosen our cake
  • Selected our wedding breakfast (Spanish tapas)

Do it your way

To sum up we are getting married in the North East of England in a French/Mediterranean chateau with Spanish food for the wedding breakfast. If that isn’t doing exactly what you want then I don’t know what is!