Don’t worry, I haven’t got the title of that Spice Girls song incorrect, I’m referring to how I used to have three bridesmaids, and now I only have one!
I never thought I would have a problem with three of my closest friends, who I’ve grown up with since high school. We’ve seen each other move into different careers and had highs and lows in our personal lives, but we’ve grown into women who have made a success of their lives. So when I asked all three of them to be my bridesmaids, I thought the plans for the wedding would be a breeze with their help on my side. How wrong I was!
It’s turned out to be one of the most difficult aspects of the whole day and I’ve become increasingly more anxious and concerned about it. It all started when two of them had a falling out. Now this happened before I asked them to commit to being a bridesmaid but they both agreed they would be amicable for the sake of one day. Alas, this was not to be. It’s turned into childlike behaviour with little digs and comments about each other to me. They haven’t dealt with it themselves and instead are playing me as the middle man.
Where it went wrong
It all came to a head when one of them arranged a second hen do and purposefully left out the other, so she felt excluded. The excluded one then came to me and expressed her anxiety at the situation and bowed out of bridesmaid duties. I understood her concerns but still felt something different could have been done. She’s not tried to work it out with the other bridesmaid and hasn’t put much effort into making sure I feel less stressed about the whole situation.
Due to this derailment I didn’t feel right having the other one as a bridesmaid, who had ultimately caused this drama by her own actions. So I told her how I felt and that I would be removing her from duties. This didn’t go down too well, but ultimately she understood.
Shouldn’t we be grown-ups?
Now why, at the age we are (mid-thirties), has this happened? I’ve spoken in previous blogs about how this is the one day when a bride should be able to have things her way, but I’m now left in a situation that isn’t what I wanted. I have one very committed bridesmaid, who completely understands how I feel, but I’m left disappointed with two people who I thought could pull themselves together for just one day. I never thought organising a wedding would cause so many dramas but now I’ve had time to process the mess I’m left with five months before the big day, I feel a sense of relief. I now don’t have to worry about the two of them staying in the same room the night before the wedding, I don’t have to worry about any awkward meetings with them leading up to the big day and thankfully I don’t have to worry about them ‘working’ together on the day itself.
It may have taken a major falling out and some harsh words, but there are bigger and better things to be worrying about than a petty falling out between two people who can’t get on for the sake of one of their best friends. I’ve got enough on my plate, talking of plates, I still need to put the order in for my chocolate wedding cake – I’ll definitely need it!